ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's just like the Real World with babies
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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