Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
God, I missed his penis.
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