U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
