this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
