I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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