ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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