Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
