I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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