Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
