where am i from again
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
