It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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