Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My vagina just clenched in fear
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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