So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
