I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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