you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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