I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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