I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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