u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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