I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
