goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize