Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
