I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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