Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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