"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
