What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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