omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
is it fun? or sober?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
