some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize