Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
