I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
