This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
