i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize