If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
