I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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