can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
