Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
