I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
