The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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