capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
