New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
