he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
