Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
