I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
