Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
