You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize