according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
