I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
