LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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