good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
