It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
