I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
