end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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