just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
