Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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