I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
