Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
