I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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