Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
