The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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