idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
