Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
