dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
