normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
