Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize