you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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