i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
