im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
