Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
