So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize