My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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