I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
