I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
