Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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