There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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