And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
