Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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