Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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