There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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