How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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