Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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