I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize