so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
