do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
