You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
