So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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