Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
