this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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