Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize