My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
