I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
