you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
