guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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