she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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