pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
