pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
