I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
