I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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