He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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