3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
